*when hate kills*

sudden thought after reading senpai's comment ---> quote : "hate is not a conclusion, it's an option." hmmmm.... such a deep meaning in a short sentence ne... lately, i've been having lotsa love-hate feelings... though i keep telling myself never to use such a strong word such as hate on anyone or anythg, somehow i keep on reverting to tht single word which i myself highly dislike... nande? why is it always hard to stop doing somethg tht u dont like even if u tried hard... despite my trying not to use the much disliked word, all my efforts end in vain when some1 sorta pisses me off... especially at this crucial time when i'm battling the pms-demon... gomen na chai minna... i knw i should not be using the 'hate' word on anythg whtsoever... i realize tht nothing in this world deserves to be hated... Allah didnt create thgs in this world for it to be hated... even Rasulullah didnt hate anyone... then who am i to say tht i hate sum1 or sumthg... oh crap... now i'm ranting... i seriously dislike myself when this happens... the usual optimistic asha is suddenly replaced by a pessimistic one who feels both anger and sadness at the same time.. *sigh* why cant i control my feelings? huwaaaa.... i dont wanna be a bad person even for a day... demo ne, thruout a month, there will be a few days where i'll feel like an evil person... yabbai!!! i dont want ppl to dislike me... huhu... maybe i'm juz thinking too much... *takes a deep breath* maybe nothing is really wrong... *breathe in* maybe it's all in my head... *breathe out* maybe i'll be much better tmrw... hmmmmm... hopefully.....

p/s: it seems like shopping is a real good therapy for my pms... have been buying so many stuffs today *clothes + toiletries* tht i ought to feel much better... and i did feel better... while i was buying them... demo ne, when i'm all alone in my room now, i'm feeling nothing... ever heard of the word 'nihilism'? i'm having tht sorta feeling ima... kowaiii!!! i'm self diagnosing myself with a psychiatric disorder... huhu..... *_*