*when it's been argghhhhh days for me!!*

*sigh* seems like i've been doing a lot of sighing lately... sighing about classes, sighing bout clinical postings, sighing bout ppl around me and also sighing about my own self.... haisshhhh... yabbai so sore.... i cant seem to do anythg right lately... is it me who is being insensitive and both sensitive at the same time as to what is happening around me?? or is it that ppl around me have gotten a bit more sensitive and demanding that all that i do seems to be rather wrong?? *sighs again*

*ranting mode activated* ---> do not read on if u dont wanna be depressed like me.... *_*

well lets see, it starts with my classes and postings.... somehow, i still cant get the grip of being in clinics... i seem to get exhausted rather easily eventhough there isnt much done for this past few days... and i also seem to easily get irritated especially when i'm being scolded by senior doctors for other's wrong doing... i know clinics is about team-work and group responsibility... and so, tht's why when a group did somethg wrongly, another group will also have to bear the anger of the lecturers... i guess, i'll juz have to learn to accept this new rule in my life... demo ne, this sort of stuffs are the ones that sort of initiates my thinking so as to why i decided to do medic in the 1st place... i'm still wondering why did i really choose medic as a studies and profession... it's not tht i'm having 2nd thoughts *or am i??* about my decision... it's juz that, i'd really like to figure myself out properly so tht i can be a better doctor and person later... i wouldnt wanna be like those doctors who became doctors with the sole purpose of getting high salary... i hope to be a compassionate doctor who really cares about her patients, and also at the same time has capabilities to do what good doctors do... >.<

next topic ---> juz when i'm trying to forget what had happened recently during a particular event, i'm irked again by the same person who i'm trying to forget... haishhhh... why do some ppl constantly irritate others? especially considering the fact tht he was the one at wrong for making me and my friends feel bad... and now, after the meeting juz now, my anger threshold for tht particular person has seemed to cross the safety level... how dare he make me look bad in front of others by saying stuffs about sincerity and revenge?? he's the 1 who has to think about those stuffs and not tell others to think about it!!! arggghhhh!!! i'm so mad rite now tht i feel like knocking him unconscious!!! i'm evil u say? well, if being mean to a person who made me look like a fool in front of others means i'm being evil, then maybe i am.... =(

laslty, i've been doing lotsa thinking about myself lately... u can call it vain, but i'd rather call it self-reflection... and while reflecting, i realized tht i've been jealous, sarcastic and pushy lately... and i really dont like myself this way... it's the holy month of ramadhan, and i'm supposed to be cleansing my heart, instead i have all these bad feelings within me... toshio?? i really hate knowing that i'm actually bad deep within me... i hate knowing that i'm not really an angel that people may think i am... and i also hate the fact that it's hard for me to admit my mistakes... what am i supposed to do?? how do i get rid of all these thoughts and feelings? i'd really like to have a clear and beautiful kokoro + mind... i do not like it when my heart + atma is corrupted and dirty... and most importantly, i dont want my bad side to be seen-through by others around me.... *sighs*


p/s: somethg tht had happened recently had caused me to be haunted again by what my bestfriend once said... he said : "asha, somehow i cant see u as a special girlfriend of anybody... you are and will most definitely be a great girl friend, but i dont really know whether u'll get a proper guy as ur special one..." maaaa~~~~ this is depressing... to think that ur bestfriend who knows u so well actually thinks that u can only be friends with a guy and never be anythg more than that doesnt really comfort u.. in fact, it sorts of bring ur self-esteem down a bit whenever a guy approaches u... *sighs* no wonder i cant really have proper talks with guys like i used to do back then in high school... saaaa~~~ this matter is not that important anyway right now and it doesnt really require pressing measures to correct it... i guess, i'll juz take the wait-and-see stand again.. if and when the time is right, then only will i think or worry bout it...


p/s #2 : oh dear, i juz realized that this entry is filled with tons of bitterness that it's so depressing... let's cheer it up a slight bit with mag scans of Pi and kids....
[credits for pics goes to: lovexoxo on LS Forum + yamaperfection.livejournal.com ]
---> now these definitely are scenes that i dont mind staring at everyday = picture perfect!!! ^^

{seventeen mag}






{popolo mag}








{Pi dear, u r sooo much loved for being able to put a smile on my face despite the many sad stuffs happening to me lately}

0(^V^)0